Some words.

Hello everyone.
As you are probably aware of if you follow me on Instagram, I am a big fan of writing in general, but what I usually share alongside my photographs are poems. Poetry is, I find, one of the best ways to express yourself. It doesn't have to rhyme and it doesn't have to have a certain number of verses, it can just contain what you feel. Write straight from the heart - as cheesy as that sounds.
If you dismiss poetry due to lack of inspiration, perhaps just write without any sort of plan inside your mind. Write whatever comes to you, because your brain is a beautiful thing, and there is a big segment brewing with ideas you only have to delve into.
Some people despise poetry - the gooey, somewhat delicate order of words that most find themselves cringing at. What usually comes to mind when someone says "poetry" is heartfelt love letters, William Shakespeare, and lots of tragic deaths. I can see why some people would label it the pits of writing.
However, I enjoy poetry a great deal, despite the fact that usually what I write about contains some element of sadness. Having being lightly chided for this by my bewildered parents, who with some sort of fright and pride attach themselves to the computer whenever they see one of my blogposts, I shan't stop. To be honest, the most powerful emotions we feel are sadness, anger, hurt. Happiness is a long-sought for thing, and when someone has it, by all means, express it through poetry. I am not saying I am not happy, only that the feelings I wish to express are the ones I want to shrug off and get out of my system - sadness, anger, hurt, angst, annoyance, frustration, anxiety, worry. They are small scales of these emotions; I am lucky to have faith in myself and self-esteem, and I pick myself back up again. But they are there all the same, and everyone at a point in their lives has those feelings.
Sometimes, poems don't take the effect of "shaking it off". It is often that a poem will address what feelings you are having, because acknowledging them and understanding what they are is the first step in actually trying to express them and move on.
I present to you some poems I have written to help me through stages where I feel such things listed above, and where I have felt happier as a result of it.

connection                                                   Ag
I saw a bird with flitting wings,                       a small touch,                
frail and thin against the sky.                         to a yielding man,
The starkness of the silhouette,                     leaves my hand one full of silver.
arched the shape passing by.                        It is with astonishment he looks,
A single moment, it caught my eye,               at the glassy gifts before him;
poised and moving swiftly;                             the hues of his face turning
a single diver, a lone traveller,                       anything but bland,
I bear much resemblance.                             a rush of scarlet from a man who never
It is lonesome in one tree,                             ceased to stop thinking about the silver.
a branch covered by twigs.                           here was his fantasy, in my hands,
I see no sort of matter,                                  taken from his very soul,
where it is acceptable to be alone.               that no one else could acclaim.
Perhaps no one really is -                             A world of greed no longer,
a thought I deemed cliché.                           for this was the true element.
But when I saw a bird with flitting wings,     "Not me," he would say, "I am not something
I also saw its eyes. Beady and afraid,          to draw beauty from."
but fixed all the same,                                  His nose, so hooked,
on my very own.                                           His eyes, so small,
I bear much resemblance.                            darting from place to place and pretending
                                                                     not to see
                                                                    the gazes swept away from his face.
                                                                     He grew numbed to these diverted glances,
                                                                     so he focused on the silver.
                                                                     Something he could not reach but he stretched
                                                                     out anyway,
                                                                     the pure, young boy excitement encasing him,
                                                                     and he'd cope. He'd cope,
                                                                     with his happy bubble.
                                                                     He'd see the silver.
                                                                     We acquire such rarity from ourselves,
                                                                     and we realise it comes from within.
                                                                     I held out my palm, upwards,
                                                                     coral pink skin against his pale flesh,
                                                                     The same tone of silver,
                                                                     glassy and white like the surface of the water.
                                                                     Everyone was jealous of his silver,
                                                                     but the light falls to dusk.
                                                                     And to everyone's dismay,
                                                                     the silver's mesmerising light falls away.

acceptance                                     broken pieces
is it honest to say                                         I cannot give you a piece of me,
that once something is gone,                       for then the jigsaw falls away.
it is only then that the world falls away?      what am I then, but jumbled pieces,
or is it more pragmatic to admit,                  thrown across the floor;
after the endless flitting of thoughts,            in anger and in confusion,
that you fall away from the world?               and without patience.
Time keeps on flying,                                   How childish it is, to react in such
Red lights turn to green.                               a manner,
The sun melts into the horizon,                    but how human all the same -
as the sky turns to dark;                               to find such perplexity
like butter in a saucepan.                              in the heart of your affairs.
But no one considers                                    The pure principals of a puzzle,
to reach through the fog,                              is to figure it out,
to grasp your hand                                       and to solve;
and pull you through                                    but how must someone face a challenge,
the blur,                                                        that concerns their very self?
the emptiness,                                              How must they work out an answer,
the dark.                                                       that brings them to a point
Because they only see your                         where they are utterly in control?
glazed eyes,                                                 Life is spiralling, endlessly,
and your wavering glance.                            and you are only an atom,
They only dismiss you for                             a figment;
crazy,                                                             but how daunting would it be
depressed,                                                    to become part of a bigger puzzle?
anxious.                                                        So I shall stay wrapped,
Words that hardly express                            and I will not stray,                      
what you are feeling,                                    from my pieces.
that do not improve                                       I am afraid.
the rampage of your brain -                           I am too afraid.
a silent battle -
an invisible battle to the eye.
Is it perhaps selfless of all to say,
to get yourself through the day,
everything will be okay, won't it?
Won't it?

inbetween
the spiralling of torment,
we lie trapped,
gasping for clutches of
the sweet air,
just to fill our heads
with something else.
but still, air escapes,
but the cycle, the circle,
the water,
keeps on running.
Loose hands, numbed
fingers,
the frightening prospect
of losing your warmth,
and the emptiness,
and the silence so loud,
so loud and roaring
so fiercely in our ears,
it becomes sound.
We lay, lay still,
and the water takes us.
It begins slowly at first,
with cautious touches
and fast
so fast,
envelops, and wraps;
the pleasure fuelling its
seeking, and from us,
we only feel a cold blanket.
The skin is smooth and pure,
the hair so slick against the scalps,
the eyelashes long and black.
But still, my breath catches,
and still, I am grasping
for clutches of sweet air.
Because however peaceful the
concept of being lost may seem,
it is without hope,
and without direction.
To lose yourself so willingly,
must be truly at your end -
to feel the waters running,
and lose the humanity to fend.



- Olivia

How to Avoid/Cope with Stress (a completely non-expert's guide)

Everyone has a healthy dose of stress. I say 'healthy dose', but stress isn't healthy, not really. Stress can lead to all sorts of problems. It's a regular saying only adults feel proper stress, but this isn't true. Anyone can feel stress. Some more severely, I'll admit, but everyone can feel stress. Stress is a mental emotion felt when someone thinks they cannot meet certain expectations.

I'm going to share my method of coping with stress. Let me say that I am no sort of professional and I'm purely writing this blog in the hope I can help others, because one of the most common side effects of stress is this - you feel helpless. You cannot reach out because usually, you have no idea how. I've felt this before and I wish to lessen the amount of others who have the same feelings.

1) RELEASE IT.

Bottling up stress is the worst method of trying to cope with it. It may seem like a good idea at the time, because you may feel like you can't tell anyone why you feel stressed because it appears awkward or embarrassing, but releasing stress doesn't mean necessarily you have to talk to someone. However, I do recommend talking to someone who knows and understands you. Even if they don't relate to your problems, there is one thing they will relate to: the feeling of stress. The self-doubt. The anxiety and worry that seems to some days sweep you off your feet. Because even though it may not seem like it, everyone suffers from a little bit of stress. There is no one that lives and prances in their endlessly happy world for their entire life - those people do not exist; they remain a fantasy.

Talking to someone definitely gives a new perspective. They can reassure you, offer their opinions, comfort you. Even if it doesn't take much effect and you have sunk deep into the pit which is stress and you can barely breathe the air anymore, talking about your feelings is almost like pulling a plug on your emotions. They flood out and generally, it makes you feel better. The bathtub runs dry.

If you really don't want to talk to people, or you feel uncomfortable about it, there are several other ways to express your stress.

2) DANCE IT OUT.

Dance. Shake that booty. And I mean to HAPPY songs. Songs that uplift your mood - however tempting it is to listen to every Adele song ever made on repeat, it will not help you. You can relate to the lyrics, perhaps, but it will not make you feel any better. Unless you perhaps think Adele's problems may be a lot worse than yours, and that makes you feel better...in a dark and twisty sort of way.

But dancing it out is just another way of expressing emotions, just not through speech. Even if you can't dance, just do a little jiggle, a little wiggle of the hips. It can't hurt.
3) WRITE IT DOWN.
Another good way of releasing your feelings is to write them down. Just let them spill out as messily onto the page. It doesn't have to be good or poetic, just what you feel - raw and unfiltered. Even if you don't read it back one day, even if you never give it a second thought, I guarantee it will make you feel better. Try and keep a journal, but don't let it hang over you; there is no pressure to write in it daily or weekly or monthly. Just whenever you need to.

4) RELAX, BUT DON'T DISMISS.

Sometimes, stress can just be cured by a little alone time. Take a bubble bath, make a playlist, drink some tea, watch every single episode of PLL. My relaxation methods usually consist of a hot bath with a Lush bath bomb, bucketloads of tea, cosy blankets, drawing, writing and breathing. Take some deep breaths. Remind yourself why you are lucky to have certain things in your life.
I also find watching the world around you helps. Even if it's only for a few minutes, sit outside and watch a landscape that strikes you as beautiful. Watch it and revel in that moment for as long as you can - clear your head a little.

But don't, I repeat DON'T, dismiss your stress. Because dismissing it won't make it go away permanently. You need to prepare yourself for whatever is making you feel stressed. It may be school, work, even family or friend issues. Whatever it is, you will feel better if you brace yourself for it. Face it and be ready. Or a little ready. 1% ready, because no one is ever 100% ready - nerves are okay. Nerves are normal.

If it is some sort of test, revise for it. Prepare for it. Even if you hear people slagging it off and saying it's okay not to revise, it is very likely they will get worse than you. Even if you don't revise, even if you don't do as well as you wanted to, don't be majorly upset. It happens to everyone. Mistakes are chances to learn, chances to advance. IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

5) BE POSITIVE.

Being a pessimist is never going to get you anywhere. You might be naturally a grumpy person, but you've got to find that tiny little ray of sunshine inside of you. Even if it is miniscule. Even if it is barley felt on the surfaces of Antartica. You have to find it and use it to the fullest extent you can.

The more positive you feel, the better you will feel if you make a mistake, and the better you will feel generally.

6) ACCEPT YOU ARE NOT PERFECT.

Everyone wants to strive to be the best they can be. But the best is different for everyone, and everyone fails. No one is a genius who never fails, and that is what makes us human.

Perfection does not exist and it never will exist. Just remember you are you, and however corny it sounds, that is the best thing to hold on to, and the most important thing. Never lose yourself, because whatever mistakes you make, they do not define you.

It boils down to feeling comfortable in your own skin, and finding that one thing that makes you happy with yourself. Even if you are not the best at it.

- Olivia 

Gooey Chocolate Honeycomb

So. The autumnal series of posts thing, well, it didn't quite work out. Technical difficulties and school, really, stopped that. I know that October is over, but I'm still going to pretend it's autumn and not slowly descending into frosty winter.

I'm just going to show you how to make honeycomb for those kind of days where you're shut inside in the warmth, the fire on, with a baggy jumper on with your sleeves bundled around your hands.

Honeycomb, I find, is a sweet, gooey treat that can be stored and eaten especially at this time of year. Its title is deceiving, as it actually contains no honey at all, but is nicknamed so for its distinctive air holes that are similar to the honeycomb patterns bees create. It is actually pure caramel, so if you're looking for something low in sugar, this isn't your recipe! 

Gooey Chocolate Honeycomb:

You will need:

A deep saucepan

Butter (for greasing)

Greasing paper

200g of caster sugar

5 tbsp of golden syrup (maple syrup is too thick a consistency I find, so golden syrup is best)

1½ tsp of bicarbonate of soda 
Dark chocolate bar (chopped)
Double boiler OR light, non-plastic bowl

Firstly, you need to find a tray - I used around a 30cm rectangular tin. Line greasing paper on the tray you pick, making sure it fits the perimeters of the tray. Next, grease the tray using a block of butter (it can also be margarine) and cover the paper. The idea of this is so the honeycomb doesn't stick, so add more butter than needed rather than less just to be safe. I'm not told greasing paper tastes very nice!
Select a deep saucepan and pour in the caster sugar and the golden syrup. Stir steadily over a low heat until all of the sugar grains have disappeared, otherwise your honeycomb will be grainy in texture.

Once the sugar has melted, turn up the heat a little and simmer until the caramel turns a golden brown. This shouldn't take long, and make sure to not let it get past this colour as it will crystallise. As soon as the golden brown colour is achieved, turn the heat off quickly and tip the bicarbonate of soda into the mixture - it should froth (this is a good sign!). Make sure when measuring the teaspoons that the bicarbonate of soda is flat and level to the spoon's height in order to not put in too much. If you put in too much bicarbonate of soda, it results in a bitter taste once the honeycomb has hardened that ruins the initial flavour (I've made this mistake in the past!).

Once the bicarbonate has been stirred in, pour the mixture onto your tray (be careful as it will be very hot). It may not fill the tray completely, which is fine - don't be tempted to spread it out, as it will break its thickness very easily and result in uneven chunks. If it isn't spreading out at all, tip the tray back and forth and let the mixture spread by itself; if you opt by this method, be sure to tip it not very long after it has been put onto the tray, otherwise it will quickly stick.
Now comes the even simpler part: you wait.
If you plan to eat it a little later on, I'd say leave the honeycomb at room temperature for around 1hr 30mins - 2hrs, and if it is still liquid, put it in the fridge and frequently check on its condition. 
If you want to eat it quickly, put it in the fridge for around 10min, but keep checking on its condition.
Be aware that the honeycomb shouldn't be completely hardened,  and still quite sticky and bendy. A good way to tell is to bend one side of the honeycomb slightly upwards. It should bend quite far and not break.

At this stage, you can either wait for the honeycomb to cool and then make the chocolate, or make the chocolate whilst the honeycomb cools, depending on when you want to serve it. In my case I made

the chocolatey covering whilst the honeycomb cooled. Place chopped chocolate into a double boiler over medium-low heat OR get a pot of lightly steaming water (this can be boiled in a kettle) and pour 

into a pot. Place the bowl into the pot, making sure that no water enters, and place the chopped chocolate inside. Put the pot on a medium-low heat and make sure to constantly stir the chocolate around the bowl as it melts. If you don't, the chocolate will easily burn and the taste will be ruined.

Unfortunately, when I made it the lighting was awful as it was in the evening,
so these pictures are from the internet. But mine looked virtually the same.

Continue to stir until the chocolate becomes smooth and shiny (ensure all chunks have melted) and then take off the heat and wait to cool. While it cools, break up the now-cooled honeycomb with a rolling pin (I myself used a pestle - the rounded stick - from a mortar and pestle) by basically bashing it in the centre until it cracks.

Once in pieces, you have dippy gooey chocolate honeycomb pieces!

Enjoy.